Healthy Relationships

I believe that healthy relationships make everything better! Yet, I’ve found myself in profound conflict at or struggling in relationships with others at different times in my 25 years as a missionary. And a significant factor that takes missionaries off the field is conflict and relational issues. Jesus says, "By this all people will know that you are My disciples: if you have love for one another” (‭‭John‬ ‭13‬:‭35‬ ‭NASB2020‬‬). And, this is sadly the one area the enemy hits hardest for us as believers. There is so much brokenness, unhealthy conflict, disunity, and animosity in the church today.

Jesus modeled healthy relationships for His disciples. He was masterful at prioritizing and restoring relationships with others and relating to those often deemed unacceptable. One of my favorite examples is Jesus’ restoration of Peter in John 21, a pivotal event in Peter’s life and His call to leadership. Jesus' love for Peter trumped Peter’s failure. Jesus prioritized the restoring of His relationship with Peter before He left the disciples to spread the Gospel. I’m sure Jesus remembered that moment powerfully throughout His ministry and it compelled Him to call others to love well and keep relationships bigger than the problem.

Authors Kouzes and Posner say that “...fundamentally, leadership is a relationship. Leadership is a relationship between those who aspire to lead and those who choose to follow.… A relationship characterized by mutual respect and confidence will overcome the greatest adversities and leave a legacy of significance.” A leader must navigate relationships well, whether relating to peers, subordinates, or leaders. Few leaders take the time to mature their interpersonal skills, social intelligence, and emotional intelligence, and this neglect proves costly. 

Love isn’t easy! We Christ-followers must consistently choose to love, responding to Paul’s admonition in Colossians 3:12-14, which says, “As those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so must you do also. In addition to all these things, put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.” This is one of our favorite verses to use when we work with teams or help guide workers through conflict. We have choices, and our choices toward humility, compassion, and forgiveness really matter!

The love of Christ compels us as His followers to lead, shepherd, and serve out of a posture of love (2 Cor 5:12). When Christ is the model, healthy relationships are a priority and motivator for leadership. They are a central part of a leader's lifelong journey. Consider God’s invitation to grow and develop in relationships. As you read the Colossians verses above, which words grab your attention? 

If you want to explore developing your interpersonal skills, here’s two books I’ve found helpful:

Here’s a song Build My Life Upon Your Love, by Pat Barrett to help you pray for this kind of love.