The Dreaded Wall
In 2015, I hit the dreaded wall. I had been neglecting my spiritual health amid a thriving ministry. I had taken on false messages that I wasn’t doing enough or good enough, so I worked harder to prove I was but neglected my spiritual and emotional health and crashed into the wall.
A lifelong development perspective necessitates understanding what The Critical Journey calls “The Wall,” which is a challenging and significant part of a Christ-follower's development. These authors say, “The Wall represents the place where another layer of transformation occurs and a renewed life of faith begins for those who feel called and have the courage to move into it. The Wall represents our will meeting God’s will face to face. We decide anew whether we are willing to surrender and let God direct our lives.” When a believer runs into this wall, something significant needs to change. The Wall is a hard place that can profoundly transform one’s views of God and self. Many of us avoid acknowledging The Wall because of strong wills, shame, fear, rationalization, or a focus on achievement over internal work.
I didn’t realize I was at the wall until I crashed into it like a baseball outfielder crashing into the wall (sorry non-baseball countries!). It looked a little like burnout, running out of my own resources after neglecting intimacy with God. For others, it might be profound questioning how your faith has or has not been functioning. For others, it can include the loss of job or something that shakes you profoundly. It feels like being stuck in the muck and mire and not having your bearings like you used to.
And yet the Wall is a purposeful mystery that almost everyone hits as we mature. The Critical Journey says, “We sit in awe of the process of surrendering and going through The Wall. But, as we emerge, we are able to move along on our journeys with much less clarity about the direction and much more assurance of not having to be in charge of our lives. We are being transformed, turned inside out.” Transformation from the inside out is what we desire on our lifelong journey.
We don’t get through a wall alone; we need wise guides to help us. The Wall is complicated and often includes darkness and hardship people want to avoid, but the one who chooses to go through it with wise guides experiences transformation. The Wall can be a scary place where you start asking questions like, does God care? Why isn’t He intervening? Where is He? Why doesn’t he seem to be answering my prayer? Choose a safe mentor to sit with you and your questions and help guide you. If you’re at a wall, who can you invite into it?
I really recommend reading and rereading The Critical Journey! How have you experienced the wall? We’d love to hear your story!